Jake and Carrie Middleton left the busy city life of Chicago in 2014 and moved to a quiet neighborhood an hour outside of Seattle. The thought of board game nights with friends at one of the local cafes sounded wonderful. However, they quickly ran into a problem:
“Nobody freaking lives here.” Jake said as tears ran down his face. “We love board games and nature – we even bought a Subaru! We wanted a calmer life, but we still wanted a life! There’s no one to game with. ”
“Naturally, we decided to have a child to complete our game group.” Carrie smiled “Children are so easy to manipulate and mold. Sure, we’ll have to wait a few years, but I am certain we’ll have them playing Brass by the age of five.”
“Plus” Jake chimed in “We’ll maintain our various Facebook groups “Conversation Starter” badges more easily by making posts for strangers of the little guy playing his parents favorite games!”
Carrie and Jake are not alone. More and more couples are having children in order to fulfill the needs of their game group, finding the child to be a more reliable and obedient group member. Since the children depend on their parents income, they are generally forced to play whatever game the parents want. When having a child isn’t possible, some individuals also turn to adoption.
“Who’s up for a sixth game of Star Wars: Rebellion?” Jill of The Woodlands, Texas said as she nudged her six year old adopted son awake. “I know, I know. People always say I adopted for the wrong reason, but I just love Rebellion and my friends are bored to death with it by now. I probably have 80 games under my belt. Forty of them are with little Josh here!”
This trend has been increasing steadily over the last ten years and isn’t expected to slow anytime soon. If you know any couples who have had kids to supplement missing members of their board game group, we’d love to hear from you below!
Note: This article is satire and for entertainment purposes. There is no affiliation with any of the companies or people mentioned in the article.